Unfortunately for Cheryl Reyna while there is a Lutheran feminist movement created to "celebrate feminine dimensions of the sacred" the laws still forbid Lutheran lesbian pedophilia.

Best. Quiz. Evar!!!

30.) Go on a fishing trip with your pals. Ensure you bring enough beer and liquor to paralyze the nation of Liechtenstein. Fishing tackle is optional. Drink near a body of water (you don’t actually have to come in contact or even see the water, but it should be nearby), then, when night falls, build a huge campfire. There is nothing more conducive to male bonding and rampant drinking than a campfire. Trust me, strip clubs come in a distant second. From Modern Drunkard Magazine's "40 Things Every Drunkard Should Do Before He Dies"...a definate must read!! I've missed a few of them...and several (such as spending the night in the drunk tank) are going to remain uncharted territory if I can help it.

The beauty to the left is Ms. Melissa Rowland who is best known for having recently been charged for the death of one of her twins by not allowing doctors to perform a c-section. They claim she said she "didn't want to be scarred". I don't blame her, it could seriously reduce her chances of being Playmate of the Year. It seems as though she's been in trouble concerning her children before... The 2000 conviction of Melissa Rowland stemmed from a supermarket incident in which she punched her daughter several times in the face after the toddler picked up a candy bar and began eating it...witnesses said Rowland screamed, "You ate the candy bar and now I can't buy my cigarettes." ...now I'm not one to become physically violent with a woman but if I had witnessed that incident, I may have been able to make an exception! Especially after also reading that the surviving twin's blood tested positive for traces of alcohol and cocaine. Just unfugginbelievable. There has GOT to be a child endangerment case in this mess somewhere that can legally sterilize someone this irresponsible.

Okay. Michael Jackson officially creeps me out more than ANY other human being on the planet now!

"It was about Michael Jackson morphing into a car," Smith tells Playboy magazine in an issue just hitting newsstands. "Jackson was behind it, and he wanted it to be this story about a guy, played by himself, who hangs out with a little boy, and this little boy gets into the car and drives him around."

Or so says Kevin Smith...

Another little bit of my youth has passed on.

It seems that Dave Blood, bass player for The Dead Milkmen, is no longer with us, having committed suicide the other night. One of my fave bands back in college and one I'd always hoped would toss themselves back into the fray for just one more tour...they were definately a band which made me look at music differently than I ever had before.

I hope Dave has found the peace he was looking for.

Finally, a government health agency that will do anything to help it's patients! It seems that in order to reintegrate a mental patient back into a "normal" life...the British NHS helped her secure employment which would help her "regain [her] independence and confidence".

"The team has helped her to do it and she is now working at a Spearmint Rhino club. I am not too keen on it, but it is what she wanted to do," she told the Dublin conference.

For those unfamiliar with The Spearmint Rhino, it's a strip club chain and the agency helped her get a job as a pole dancer. She's probably pretty hot too, almost all hot chicks are insane...

I hate Scott for blogging the game Bomb Golf...and now you will hate me for the same reason!

Go over here, name a sperm and move the egg around as your sperm (and those of the others currently playing) chase it around. Why? This is the Internet, there need be no why!

What the hell has happened to my favorite sport?! I love hockey and I love hockey fights but you have to draw the line somewhere...

No, I'm not talking aboot last Saturday's slugfest between the Senators and Flyers which resulted in a new single penalty minute record (419 minutes...you go boys!)

No, I'm not talking aboot Todd Betuzzi's cheap shot which resulted in damaged vertebrae for Steve Moore (as uncalled for as I may think it was.)

I didn't even get excited aboot the story of a teenaged hockey player urinating on a random 8-year old in the bathroom before a game (WTF?!)

I could have left all of those slide. The passion of the game for the first two...teenaged stupidity for the last one. No problem.

But, when I heard that Tonya Harding has been signed to an Indianapolis hockey team, I just lost it. The team has a promotion going on guaranteeing a fight during every game or the fans are awarded free tickets to the season finale. Now, I like a good hockey fight as much as the next guy. Maybe more than the next guy. But, planned hockey fights just don't make sense to me. I'd say that fights at games have run about 50-50 for me but in every case you could see the situation develop. A cheap shot here, a bad penalty there, the shoving matches start...by the time the fight happens it makes sense. Guaranteeing hockey fights and signing Harding because "it's easier to teach someone to fight than it is to skate" and relying on her to use her new skills as a professional boxer is just ludicrous.

Gah! Watch yer knees, boys!

What every home entertainment suite really needs...a Bovine Rectal Palpation Simulator!

Further proof that Saddam Hussein was the anti-Christ...check out this excerpt from the new Iraqi Constitution.

(E) Decision Number 666 (1980) of the dissolved Revolutionary Command Council is annuled, and anyone whose citizenship was withdrawn on the basis of this decree shall be deemed an Iraqi.

(This decree stripped hundreds of thousands of Iraqi Kurdish citizens of their citizenship, deported them to Iran, and seized their possessions and property under the pretext of their affiliation to the Islamic Republic of Iran.)

I pray that one of my dear friends would shoot me dead on the spot if I ever partook of a hand-in-hand walk wearing Smittens.

Cecil then struck his wife, fetched a handgun and fired a shot into the bed's headboard near Teri to show that he did not like his wife calling him a violent partner, police said, citing a statement the wife gave to investigators.

Maybe Cecil should have given Teri's accusation that he resembled the violent husbands on the show they were watching a bit more credence. If he had, Cecil might still be alive...

This Japanese recruiting ad for their Maritime Self-Defense Force is simply bizzare. It boggles the mind as to what they're trying to say about individuals involved in their naval defense...and even moreso, it boggles the mind as to what they view the future of that force as being.
Now, the whole dance troup on the ship deck is odd enough but I understand the concept of the defense force being based around the word "peace" so the first of the graphic titles (shown above) work for me just fine.
It the second set of titels (we won't talk about sailors doing a kick-line) that throws me: "Seaman Ship...For Love". Okay...all the Las Vegas dance choreography I can deal with to a degree but now I'm really lost. I also feel (does anyone else) that splitting the word "seamanship" into two words, while it may have been an "Engrish" slip-up but it really changes the nature of the statement to a native English speaking individual. I guess I'll just have to chalk it up to cultural differences. I know one thing, I won't be wearing the Japanese Maritime Self-Defense Force T-shirt that my friend Manibu gave to me out to a bar anytime soon.

I think Brian and I were discussing this very idea the other day...and now some researchers at the University of Florida have made it a reality: meat tortillas!

Flaquitas are made by turning chicken or fish into paste, then flattening it into a circle. The thin, soupy pancakes then go into the oven and come out as tortillas...Flaquitas only have two percent of the carbs of traditional tortillas. Carb conscious consumers will also appreciate the Flaquitas cost, only ten to twenty cents each, about the same as every other tortilla.

Your Sign Is: Loose Livestock

Whoa, wild child! What hasn't gone on in that bedroom you like to call a dungeon?
Your bedroom is a total sexual fun house, with kinky surprises in every corner.
You're a mirrors on the ceiling, whips in the closet kind of lover. And that's cool...
Just make sure that your neighbors don't know about any sheep stored in the garage.

What's Your Street Sign?
(Not Safe for Work! due to advertising on the page!)

Which Colossal Death Robot Are You?

In bars frequented by colossal death robots, you're always the quiet guy at the back who no-one ever bothers. And for good reason. You've fought in several nuclear wars, could beat the sun in a staring match, and have a chin larger than many articles of furniture. Morals are not a concept you understand, but strangely enough, nobody ever questions your judgement. Usually because they're dead. Even Judge Dredd wets himself when you turn up. Grrrr.

I can't argue with Scott's take on this game...damn you Demon Balls!!!

I managed to accomplish the task at hand but not before becoming almost insane with rage...it really seems so simple...

Simply insert the FecalFone ringer deep inside your rectal orifice. Deeper. The emmense size of the ringer may be shocking at first, but your anus has an incredible elastic quality you probably didn't notice before. Plug the cord into the back of your McSiemens cellular phone, and that's all there is to it! You're ready to enjoy the quiet life and receive calls anytime, anywhere

Somehow I think I'm not part of the projected demographic for the McSiemens FecalFone...and not just because I don't have a cell phone! It does seem that they plan on targeting young children with their marketing also...

Kids can't resist the shiny colors! And you'll cherish the look on their face when they recieve their first call.

The caption "Mommy, call me again" under the picture on THAT page was a bit much...as was the future product announcement of a "FecalBoy" attachment for portable games.

Sometimes it's a blessing that something you found on the net is only a parody...