"From Microsoft to Macintosh, to lin, loon, line, linux - every computer crashes because every OS sucks."

We here at 3bruces.com wholeheartedly agree - we may have our preferences today - but we were MUCH more efficient and happy with MS-DOS, ProDOS or any other Pre-GUI operating system than we are now...

Hmm, I still have that old Apple IIgs laying around...but, who needs it when I can run an emulator on my Mac (or under Windows 9x/NT/2000)and download all these cool old games I could never afford back then!

The Invisible Library is a collection of book titles and authors for books that were never written but merely written into the text of other works of fiction. If you have any need to find out where you read about the "Necrotelicomnicon (Liber Paginarum Fulvarum)" by Achmed the Mad or "2BR02B" by Kilgore Trout this is the place to look.

I did note one slight mistake though. The book "Venus on the Half-shell" by Kilgore Trout actually does exist. It was written by Phillip Jose Farmer in tribute to the character created by Kurt Vonnegut, who had referenced many fictional works by Trout in his novels...

Why bother with physical surveillance when you can simply use Dione Warwick's Cosmic Peephole to find out what celebrities (Sandra Bollock: once made love to a hideously deformed cantaloupe), friends (Deuce: they own five ball point pens that smell suspiciously of ass) and enemies (the IRS: currently inflicting grievous genital harm on a Sally Jesse Raphael voodoo doll) are doing right now...

If admitting you have a problem is the first step, it's going to be a huge step for this guy...

Help Johnny Ganjaseed save the world from a potless future! It's a good thing Johnny finds his grandpa's secret stash or he'd be making FedEx rich ordering caffeinated meatloaf!

After the development of the kosher gummi bear just how much farther could the gummi world be pushed? How about edible, sugar-free, vibrating gummydongs - the current state of the art in gummi technology...

Animal dildos. What else do I need to say? Horse, grizzly, orca, dog, dolphin, hyena - Zeta has got got just about all of your fake wildlife penis needs covered...

Just got home from having my manditory shots of Seagram's VO and washing it down with Budweiser. Here's to ya Sammy, I'll always remember you. I just wish you had drank better beer and good whiskey!

I expect to get slapped around in the afterlife for that comment...

For all the times that I think that I am wasting my time with all of the little projects I get involved in, I just have to remember: at least I'm not attempting to create a programming language written in Klingon! What the hell kind of social disfunction and/or sociopathic behavior makes someone want to spent their time like that?!

I'll never forget the Saturday Rev. Brian and I nearly drank ourselves blind and almost exploded with repressed bodily functions waiting for the doors to open at the bar (under new management now) where the Ramones were playing near us. What a night! When Joey Ramone walked out on the stage he simply greeted the screaming fans with, "We're very happy to be playing here in Milton, wherever the fuck that is..." Then ensued about an hour of non-stop, screeching mayhem at the end of which they just left - but who had the energy left to complain by that point? Well, Joey finally ran out of strength and a large part of my youth has gone with him. The official Ramones site has a nice (and most likely somewhat temporary) tribute up on the main page and Salon also managed to not suck too bad today.

Thanks for the memories Joey, I can picture you right now - "It's nice to be here in Purgatory - wherever the fuck that is!"

I ran across a link for a band called Bond on Leia Scofield's blog tonight and couldn't help noticing that they did a song called "Alexander the Great". I have to say that Alexandros (sorry, thanx to the .mp3 wars this is the best link I could find!) would have projected...

If anybody was curious as to what to get us for Christmas this would be an excellent idea!

I've seen a ton of blogs concerning the 5k competition, where designers compete at making a useful web page in under 5k of space. Less publicized is the German 7kb competition. I'm surprised that we haven't seen a 3.14k competition, a 6.66k competition or any other weird ass number. (links via: daily gristle)

To paraphrase Reverend Brian's blog of yesterday, how old is young enough? This is the tale of a man convicted of having sex with 18-year old Brianna Stewart only to find out later that she was actually 31-year-old Treva Throneberry, varsity high school tennis player and prom date (aka Stephanie Danielle Lewis in PA and Emily Kara Williams in TX.) It just never gets any simpler, does it?

Only for the most jaded of perverts, Paperclip Porn!

Found a couple great Soprano's links today. Firstly, it was great to see Salon.com manage to do a story on the women of the Soprano's without having it become some bleeding-heart expose of how badly they are portrayed in the context of the "true" woman of the new millenium - or just having it suck like 99% of the articles on their site. My absolute favorite link of the day had to be the Tony Soprank-o-matic. Our friends over at Stileproject collected a bunch of sound clips of Tony Soprano and made a nice clickable list of them. Combined with a phone, and a get out of jail free card, you could have HOURS of fun!

Trapped in the house all day like me? Head on over to Scanwave where thousands of odd, bizarre and mostly pointless items that will nonetheless keep you busy for hours. Be sure to read the World Domination Manual before continuing!

Pick a side in the mayonaisse war - are you for or against? And remember, this is NOT a choice!!

Never having been a huge fan of Shakespeare I am not at ALL surprised by recent archaeological investigations which report that among the residues found on pipes from excavations made at the site of Bill's Stratford-upon-Avon home are nicotine (no surprise), marijuana (interesting), myristic acid (a hallucinigenic made from nutmeg seeds) and even cocaine!!!

I ran across this punchcard generator today and it certainly brought back memories. My first experience with a "real" computer was when I learned to program WATFIV on an IBM 1130 computer with 16k of primary memory and a 1 megabyte disk pack at Mansfield University. Less than a year later I had a faster computer with more memory sitting on a desk in my bedroom and running at a then blazing 1mhz! Until then I hadn't realized what a pain in the ass punchcards were...

Having a boring evening? Well, why don't you create an alias with the Pornstar Name Generator and spend an evening of fantasy looking at homoerotic Thundercats fan art while making toothbrush bracelets? I'll be out having a beer...

While you're at it, you might as well visit Live Nude Hamster Cam and get ready to CHAT LIVE with the SEXIEST HAMSTERS on the planet!

I met her in a jail cell stoned on oatmeal,
I can still recall that creepy smile she wore.
She was chewin' on a hangnail in her muu-muu,
and I knew what strong deoderants were for.
She asked me if I'd stay with her forever,
She said to me our love would never die.
But who'd thought'd she'd yodel while in labor
I guess I was too smashed to say goodbye.

Generated using the "Country o'Matic" song generator. Thanx to our friend (and new contributor) Dex for the link in chat the other night.

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If you're into more substantial poetry you may just want to stop by the International House of Poetry instead - and don't forget to visit the outhouse too!

Well, it's Monday again. Back to the routine...