Normally I just think hackers are annoyingly immature with their antics but this was a REALLY shitty thing to do.

(I apologize most humbly and sincerely for that - it won't happen again, I promise. Today. Or at least until I get off of work!)

Did you ever wonder what the top eleven rejected crayon names were?

(thanx to Creepy Steve)

The madmen over at Kerb have created a game just for Halloween. Of course, playing skittles with heads in a mall isn't exactly an original idea - I think about doing it every time I go there...

Urging the American people to have "courage, faith, and resolve in this time of trial," Al Gore delivered an emergency presidential address into his bathroom mirror Tuesday. "My fellow Americans, our enemies have struck at the heart of our great democracy," Gore solemnly intoned into his electric razor during the not nationally televised address. "They have attacked our citizens, our cities, and the most prominent symbols of our pride and prosperity. In so doing, they sought to tear us apart. But they have done just the opposite." Gore's bathroom-mirror speech, his 16th such address since Sept. 11, is widely considered to be the almost-president's most emotional and stirring yet. (Yes, Virginia, the Onion is still funny!)

Uh-oh! Yet another group of disgruntled persons who could be associated with terrorist activities here in the US! Since they have been flooding into this country since 1958 there could be millions that have infiltrated every level of society! Run while you can before they break out the pink AK-47s!

"Consider me a friend of the stinking rose, but a friend that keeps a tin of Altoids close by after consumption" are the words of Jimmy "J.J." Walker of television fame as interviewed by the fine folks over at http://www.nevertrustanyonewhodoesntlikegarlic.com/. Good advice at this time of year... (this link also via Boing Boing)

What a creepy/cool idea for a Halloween centerpiece! This site will tell you all about making your own edible meathead! (link via Boing Boing)

Also just in time for Halloween (well, maybe a wee-bit late) are some tips from the Gothic Martha Stewart Website. Although I am not a goth (only 44% which is WAY too high) my decorating tastes lie somewhere between medieval and techno-modern - with a heaping dose of First Degree Squalor!

Brittle Bones makes for great Halloween-time viewing. The artwork is very well done but I think the lack of cohesive navigation and clear descriptions makes it seem like the long download times are possibly wasted. <shrug>Or maybe I just didn't venture far enough before I got fed up with the wait?</shrug> Whatever!

File under screwy fetishes:

Itching. What else can really be said about this?

Why does the the Little Red Monkey to the left looked so pissed off? Well, it's either because he's not actually red or because he's trapped in this weird ass Flash animation!

Most people have heard of the Golden Gate Bridge but what about the Golden Gate Tunnel? They have a much snazzier website and have graciously prepared a list of frequently asked questions and pages for the Tunnel Employee of the Month and Miss Golden Gate Tunnnel 2001 (go here for info on the 2002 Pagent). So, what are you waiting for? Head on over and get your 2001-2002 Tunnel Permit!

The dMarie Time Capsule allows you to make a custom webpage of people and events related to any date you choose. Their database must be absolutely huge because the selections are seemingly endless...

The Chosen One is a great Flash game reminescent of old time video arcade games (it reminds me a lot of Vangard.) It's a bit rough around the edges but well done for such a short download.

I'm glad to see that computer modelling is being used to solve some of the most complex and compelling problems existant in modern society, like "Why does the shower curtain always suck in and stick to my leg?" I'd be happier if somebody just came up with something to prevent me from having to pull huge globs of hair out of the drain periodically!

Just what I needed to see just out of bed on a Monday morning, gay Lego porn! It's going to be a looong week...

Sneak an early peak at this year's biggest Halloween TV special - "It's the Great Pumpkin Osama Bin Laden"!

All we have to do is scale this thing up a bit, place some weapons grade nuclear material in the center instead of peanut butter and set it out in the open near where Osama Bin Laden is suspected to be and wait. Then ZZZZzzzzzzaaaaappp!!! It's all over...

In world where Microsoft seems to get away with anything they want to do, it's nice to see someone else highjack their browser!

So what is being done to tighten security here at home? Well, this page seems like a good place to find out what isn't being done! Carry on, citizen...

Great site to waste a bunch of your time at! A huge collection of Flash animations demonstrating various scientific/mathematic situations. Some are interactive and some aren't but they're all cool and fun!

Gerbil jokes abound in the new cartoon over at Joecartoon.com.

Hmm, which tie should I wear today? The anthrax tie is all the rage right now but my chlamydia tie goes much better with this shirt. I don't think my date would appreceate my gonorrhea, herpes, AIDS/HIV or syphilus ties. Damn you people at Infectious Awareables for all these choices! I guess I'll just wear my malaria tie and drink gin and tonics all night...

Lemon Adventure is just more proof that some people cannot be trusted with the power to create Flash items!

The American Logo Museum has compiled a large collection of graphics relating to the strike against terrorism, collecting them from various news sites around the net.

What the point of flying around in a spaceship shooting bow tie noodles would be is beyond me - but Pastaroids is pretty amusing for about a minute or two!

Despair, Inc., the company best known for trademarking the frown emoticon, has released their 2002 series of demotivational slides. If you've never seen their line of "demotivational" products which "increase success by decreasing expectations" you don't know what you're missing!

This game would probably kick even more ass if I could read any of the text or understand what the incessently yammering individual is saying while I'm mowing down people with my submachinegun. I just pretend that the guy who won't stop talking is one of the bozos from Metafilter going on and on about how violence doesn't solve anything and that my imperialist actions are going to pollute the planet, destroy the minds of our children and promote tooth decay...

In order to win a war, one must understand the enemy - so I guess we'll have to start forming teams and playing the national sport of Afghanistan "buzkashi" (literally translates as "goat grabbing".) All we need is 40 horsemen, a 200 yard long playing field and a 145 pound headless goat carcass...

Not quite punk my ass! Shit! I was listening to punk 20 years ago and I listen to punk today! So, I never shaved my head or wore a mohawk - I like my hair long and that's the way I wear it. Yeah, I never got any tattoos - just not into it. Yeah, I never "dressed" punk - didn't think it was neccessary. Yep, I never got thrown in jail - I'm not a moron. Yeah, I've never held a job for less than a day - I'm not lazy and I never thought poverty "looked cool." In fact, most of the stuff that would help me "pass" this test is exactly the reason I didn't/don't hang with most punks and have avoided "the scene." Really though, there's nothing more bizarre than non-conformists telling ya you don't belong because you haven't conformed.

As you may have seen in the past, we here at 3bruces think that most RealDoll owners and fans are a bit strange (the Flash intro to this site says it all.) Believe it or not, it gets even stranger! Now you can order lifesize reproductions of characters from the anime series Sailor Moon (here's a sort of English language site with info.) Creepy!

I've always heard it said that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. Well, since Reverend Brian and myself are rather competent cooks I think that any prospective ladies would be better off following Kiko's example rather than taking cooking classes!
(the link above is most assuredly not work safe and if it is you have one cool-ass job!)

Those crazy college kids! I wonder if the faculty at the University of Missouri is aware of the Chicken Fetish website being hosted on the school's server, complete with man/chicken love stories?

It looks like the sluggish economy has been hard on everybody! Man, things are tough all over...

...but it looks like he's found a new line of work!

Get your Viking Name! I am Geiri Oakenhawk - which I suppose I can live with - although I always preferred the name Hausacloif (which means "skullsplitter"!)
(link via The Ultimate Insult)

Well Apple has released the new product they have been hyping and it is one nifty little piece of hardware - albiet a tad expensive. The iPod is ostensibly an mp3 player but it also doubles as a Firewire file transfer device - then again, who ever produced an mp3 player with a 5gb hard drive in it?! At $399 it's a tad pricey but it also has no rivals in capacity that I know of and weighs in at only six ounces - it's almost worth it just for the portable Firewire drive capability!

Did you ever wish that all the news that transcends believability and reason was collected together all in one place? Well, look no furthur than Surfing the Apocalypse (no, no - it's not Metafilter!)

It's another 1.7mb of bad taste in Flash, "The Feminine Hygiene Song" - just one of the many strange Flash cartoons over at liquidpickles.com along with the somewhat tacky ".Swim Jesus, Swim!"

Another one of those simple to learn yet stupifyingly annoying tiny java games and a much nicer game that is based on the same concept.

A quite hilarious Flash video featuring George Bush on the conga drum and Colin Powell singing!

I've had this link lying about for a while but I wanted to actually play the game first before posting it. I saw it over at Firblog this morning and thought I'd load it up and damn if this game isn't a real hoot!! Don't worry if you don't understand the rules of cricket, it won't matter much anyway!

	Would you like to find the perfect woman to greet you at the tent flap after a long day on the jihad? Then Taliban Singles may be just the service for you!
	(Thanx to Creepy Steve who found this at "I'm Right!")

"It is possible, with careful intervention, to have favorable outcomes for all those involved. A torn sphincter is a small price to pay for a live gerbil."

Please call the Gerbil and Rodent Extraction Specialists for all your impacted rodent needs.

These baby pacifiers absolutely rawk! I almost want to stock up on them for when I has my own little shorty...

Worried about anthrax? A leading bioterror expert said on Tuesday people who feel panicky about opening their mail amid the anthrax scare can use a hot steam iron and a moist layer of fabric to kill germs.

The 3bruces return to work!!

Click Go to Vote for Us (see below)

After a an extra-long weekend of preparation, the 3bruces are ready, willing and able to return to their place of employment. Their resemblance in this picture to any terrorists or wackos, live or dead, is strictly coincidental and is not meant to make any statement of possible or probable civil disobedience or destruction of property, past, present or future. But we still request that you click "go" above and vote very highly for us over at "Am I Terrorist or Not!" We'd appreceate the gesture...

Bush Threatens ISO Certification on Taliban

By Mark Todaro, Special Correspondent

Washington DC - In an unexpected change of tactics, United States President George W. Bush announced today that he would suspend military retaliation against Osama bin Laden and his terrorist network if bin Laden agrees to pursue ISO 9000 certification for his organization.

An unnamed source within the Bush administration said that bringing the terror group’s processes into ISO compliance would “almost certainly give US intelligence agencies the upper hand in neutralizing bin Laden’s effectiveness.” Additionally, Bush promised to provide bin Laden up to 500 personal computers equipped with the Windows 2000 operating system.

A defiant Taliban representative familiar with ISO certification said, "Fire will rain from the sky and monkeys will fly from my butt before we undergo this gruesome process. We prefer bombs to ISO auditors."

While military and intelligence experts hailed both moves as brilliant ploys to halt the spread of terror, human rights advocates urged caution and sought safeguards that ISO literature and Windows PC’s would not fall into the hands of Afghan citizens, already laboring under adverse conditions.

Nice high resolution satellite photos of one of Osama Bin Laden's hide outs/camps.

Thanx to the Ultimate Insult for this gem!

Whoa! Another full day off slacking off looms ahead of us! No time to find GOOD links so while we're at the Yuengling Brewery tour you can tour the World Carrot Museum or read some of the bizarro material over at the Short Arm Syndromes site (I don't get it either but thanx to Vicarious for the heads up.)

Of all these suggestions for the use of the Silly Putty clone Thinking Putty my overall favorite has to be the videos of shooting it out of a potato cannon. Beats the hell out of using a teeny glob to copy a comic strip!

TALIBAN TV GUIDE

MONDAYS:
8:00 - "Husseinfeld"
8:30 - "Mad About Everything"
9:00 - "Suddenly Sanctions"
9:30 - "The Brian Benben bin Laden Show"
10:00 - "Allah McBeal"

TUESDAYS:
8:00 - "Wheel of Terror and Fortune"
8:30 - "The Price is Right If Osama Says Its Right"
9:00 - "Children Are Forbidden From Saying The Darndest Things"
9:30 - "Afganistans Wackiest Public Execution Bloopers"
10:00 - "Buffy The Yankee Imperialist Dog Slayer"

WEDNESDAYS:
8:00 - "U.S. Military Secrets Revealed"
8:30 - "When Northern Alliance Attacks"
9:00 - "Two Guys, a Girl, and a Pita Bread"
9.30 - "Just Shoot Everyone"
10:00 - "Veilwatch"

THURSDAYS:
8:00 - "Matima Loves Chachi"
8:30 - "M*U*S*T*A*S*H"
9:00 - "Veronicas Closet Full of Long, Black, Shapeless Dresses and Veils"
9:30 - "My Two Baghdads"
10:00 - "Diagnosis: Heresy"

FRIDAYS:
8:00 - "Judge Laden"
8:30 - "Funniest Super 8 Home Movies"
9:00 - "Captured Northern Alliance Rebels Say the Darndest Things"
9:30 - "Akhmeds Creek"
10:00 - "No-witness News"
(via boingboing)

Bert is not evil! A short, stupid and violent Flash animation.

Hmm, what sentences can you make if you rearrange the letters in the name Osama Bin Laden? A lesbian nomad, bad man is alone, is bad anal omen, me solid banana, I'm no bean salad and anal bias demon are only a few of the many choices.

One of the coolest halloween costumes I've seen in a while.

Wow! I think you'll need three days off to play with all of the cool Flash apps over at Zefrank! There are dozens to play with and I absitively, posilutely guarantee that you will find something that will waste huge amounts of your time. Meine Kleine Drawtoy alone had me fixated for quite some time, the animated brushes can produce some really nifty effetcs.

Remember the faked picture of a guy standing on top of the WTC building showing the plane about to hit? Well, it seems to have spawned the new AYBABTU-type photoshop frenzy - just take a look at touristofdeath.com and touristguy.com to follow his many adventures. See evidence of his movie and television career, his appearance at the Last Supper, see him ship out on the Titanic - well, you get the idea...

What weighs only 1,200 pounds, can be transported by a B-2 bomber or F-16 fighter, can be dropped through concrete from 40,000 feet without sustaining damage and can destroy everything buried beneath it to a depth of several hundred meters? Why, a B61-11 Tactical Thermonuclear Bomb, of course!

This page is just foulness incarnate! Not work safe, not really home safe. Frankly, I don't think that this would be appropriate if you viewed it on a laptop with a cell modem in the bathroom of the the sleaziest, scumpit bar on the face of this earth while getting a rimjob from the ugliest multiple amputee tranvestite whore on the face of the planet. Really, I'd advise against viewing this...

...of course, I'm all for the public service aspects of the site, it's just the utter depravity one must endure to get there that I don't get. I suppose I'm not exactly the target market for this!

Raise your own virtual pig. What else can I say about this? And when you tire of that, in the spirit of Charlotte's Web, you can play the Spider Game.

Wired has a nice article about the Bert/bin Laden connection which doesn't really make any attempt to debunk the mystery. An active discussion into this phenomenon is ongoing though.

The Taliban has arrested a French journalist in Afghanistan and is threatening to charge him with espionage, the French word for spying.

The Modern Humorist is now providing a daily "War Update" for your reading pleasure.

I think I need to order one of these Osama bin Laden urinal targets for my local bar, it would greatly compliment the "Hanoi Jane Fonda" target we've been urinating on for years!

Even scarier than yesterday's US government link to instructions for shipping a hippo is the United States military site for anthrax information! The HTML intro isn't all that weird but the Flash version (complete with techno soundtrack) makes me wonder where their priorities are! I mean, they have this wonderfully constructed site to expound on the safety of anthrax vaccines, they just don't have any anthrax vaccine...

Use the ACME Ultimatum Dispatcher when you have to alert your enemies in a hurry. Just one of the many fine ACME Products - as seen on TV (Cuidado! Long download time, mucho graphics.)

Another link in the list of "identity finders" - what kind of robot are you really? Hmph! I think it's a little off since I came up as C3P0. A "protocol droid"? I think not!!
(thanx to Creepy Steve)

---

A few additions to our WTC Humor Page

Another wonder of modern technology! Now you can control sex toys remotely through the internet.

Searching hard for a new look? A nice, new pair of horns may be just what you're looking for - especially if you're the sort of person who would major in Star Trek.

Amusing little Flash piece - "Find the Terrorist."

I think I could have lived a full and happy life without ever having seen an ad for The Keeper. But it can hold a full ounce of menstrual flow which is impressive - I guess...

Another $12.95/month fetish site that I find incomprehensible - girls with balloons?!

Popping balloons is not just a stress reliever - its a rush for me. I love popping balloons and working with the other girls. I love the sound of the balloons when they pop and the anticipation. When I'm popping balloons its a party, I never want it to end. Gosh, I could blow up and pop balloons for hours! - Tina

Creepy.

I noticed that Leia mentioned the Texas State Fair which opened Saturday. Our local fair ended Saturday and racked up 646,698 visitors in it's eight day run, including 118,317 on Saturday alone. It's no wonder it took us almost an hour to travel four blocks near Reverend Brian's house that morning! Heck, traffic is bad enough around here with just the normal 16,000 or so residents and college students so I guess you have to expect it...

I never realized that the Hindenburg still holds the record as the largest airship to ever fly (at 804 feet long!) I found a page with some great info including a graphic comparing the Hindenburg to a 747 (which it completely dwarfs) and the Titanic which was only 78 feet longer.

Pornigami!

Are you smarter than Miss America? I am!