How do you fill a stadium with movie extras? - Gonzo Brothers

I'm anything but the kind of geek who lives vicariously through fantasy characters but I would really love one of these bitchen lightsabers! They've got machined aluminum bodies with your choice of color for the Indiglo tube contained inside the nearly indestructable polycarbonate sheath. Click on the picture to check out my favorite. Sweet... Of course, if you're looking for something a bit less expensive to buy me for Christmas - I'd settle for this cool flame-throwing Bible for under $50!

It's very easy !! Why not try and squeeze one out right now?? All you need to tell us is how much you earn a year and how long your working day is (we won't record this, we don't really care). As soon as you leave for your poo click Start, then when you're back click Stop. Now with this handy-dandy little bit of web magic you can figure out your shite price!" When you absolutely, positively need to know how much your employer just paid you to take a dump...

NYC Bloggers . . . I haven't had much to blog lately but I might put Mookie back on the map.

MTV is going to have more Ozzy for Fall and now E! Entertainment Television's has The Anna Nicole Smith Show scheduled to debut in August.

Woman loses brakes on Long Island Expressway - I just saw this story on the tv news. After realizing that she had no brakes, for some reason she called 911 on her cell phone . . . All she had to do was pull to the shoulder and shift into NEUTRAL and roll to a stop (don't turn the car off of the steering wheel will lock).

Next!

Bond?

What are these people doing? Well they're creating a huge mosaic picture of a toaster out of, what else, variously toasted pieces of bread! It's actually a pretty cool looking work of art when they're done.

Grab your magnifying glass and go visit the World's Smallest Website!! And don't dismiss it offhand, it may be very tiny but it is a fully functional site with games and other tidbits. It's just small. VERY small...

I hope everyone out there had a safe and happy Memorial Day yesterday and took the time to honor those who have given so much in defense of our way of life. As you can see, I was up at the crack of dawn (actually, the orb in the pictures is the moon) wandering through a nearby cemetary looking for photo ops! I attended two parades and just generally did nothing else all day. It was wonderful...

Dozens hurt at Eminem concert in D.C. when fans stampeded the "mosh pit" in R.F.K. Stadium.

More oddities from eBay Motors:

• SANTA CLAUS MOTORIZED ROCKET SLEIGH
• 1952 Chevrolet Ambulance Clown Car Rare
• 1977 Zamboni HDB Ice resurfacing Machine
• Shuttle Train
• JAPANESE FUNERAL CAR LOW MILEAGE HEARSE

White man can't jump and now proof that yellow man can't rap!

Anybody looking for a nice Yugo restoration project? . . . restoring it will cost more than the car is worth . . . Maybe a nice Subaru Brat instead, just glue all the rust together to make a complete car (actually those were kinda cool with the jump seats in the back).

Waaaahoo! We are on the new server and all seems to be working well!! Well, if you're seeing this things are working well. If you're not seeing this then stop reading it immediately!!

Yes, everything works fine. Well, except for comment posting which is probably a permissions thing. Oh yeah, and the archive search option is currently not operational. And who wants to even guess if any archive problems are on our end or Blogger's end? We'll get it sorted out eventually - at least our URL is not forwarding to a server that isn't offline most of the day!

Update: For some reason all PHP script additions added to the page are running SUPER slow...so for the time being there are no quotes or comments being added. I'll look into it later tonight.

Update: Clicking "discuss" will load comments and allow you to save them. It's only creating the comment counts that seems to be stupifyingly slothful. I'll look at it over the next day or so as I have time among other things goign on.

I missed last night's Celebrity Boxing II - I heard that Screetch kicked Horshack's ass and I saw a news clip of Manute Bol beating Refrigerator Perry. "The Fridge" looks like he's added a washer/dryer as well.That guy is huge. Somebody please tell me if Chyna kicked Joey Buttafuocco's ass.

I used to like David Blaine: Magic Man but his last few "stunts" were pretty useless. Bury yourself for a week, encase yourself in ice and now stand on a pole...am I missing something here? Is there an inside joke? He should really stick to street magic. It's what he does best.

This could be yet another case of a major media source jumping the gun but, according to a law enforcement source, "bones found in a Washington park Wednesday are (supposedly) the remains of Chandra Levy." They were found in an area that was extensively searched due to a MapQuest search that Levy had done just prior to her disappearance...current speculation is that the body was dumped there AFTER the search...

Well gang, the nameserver at http://www.3bruceshosting.com/ is alive and well!! I just issued the new DNS assignments for 3bruces.com to be switched to there so we're finally moving. There may be some short hiccups over the next two days while everything gets realigned - please bear with us.

Weehoo! They've finally begun working on the film adaptation of one of my absolute favorite series' of books: the Ender's Game series by Orson Scott Card. In the official press release it states that they are actually going to combine elements of the first book in the series, "Ender's Game" (read the first chapter) with one of the recent "prequals" to the series, "Ender's Shadow" (read the first chapter) which should make for an interesting, if a bit cut down, storyline.

The other good news is that they've chosen Wolfgang Peterson to direct the movie. You may not be familiar with him but he's written and/or directed several of my favorite films including "Die Unendliche Geschichte" which was released in the US as "The NeverEnding Story" (writer, director), "Das Boot" (writer, director) and "Enemy Mine" (director). He also worked on such movies as "In the Line of Fire", "Air Force One" and "The Perfect Storm". Unfortunately it could be as long as four years until this hits the theatres due to Peterson's current project "Endurance". Oh well...

For a look at inventive genius gone horribly awry, check out Weird Patents - a collection of bizarre yet true patented inventions. My favorites had to be the Rat Extermination Device which would allegedly place an elastic band with a bell on it around the rat's neck thus scaring all the other rats off when it returns to the nest, the Centrifugal Birth Table which was supposed to aid in the delivery of babies by spinning the mother in circles and, my all time favorite, the Cheese Filtered Cigarette which I can't even begin to explain the reasoning behind...

the Missouri House has passed a measure that would make it a crime to take pictures of animals in barns without an owner's permission.

Sounded a bit on the kinky side to me at first and it was definately kinky weird and not kinky erotic either! Instead it's just a measure to help prevent nosy reporters and animal activists from annoying honest farmers by trying to get pictures of supposedly "inhumane" conditions. I'd think just telling them to "fuck off home" when they showed up with them would learn 'em just fine...

I go to bank to accept credit card and banker says, "You can't sell wadded paper. That's not a real product or service."

I lose patience and scream at banker and tell him, "You banker, not art critic dumb dumb!!! You don't know nothing about art. Wadded paper art much better than Andy Warhol painting of soup can or that guy who put crucifix in big jar of urine! At least my art not offensive or stupid picture of food product!"

Now I can never accept credit card directly because I get escorted from bank by big man with gun. I use ATM and drivethrough now so banker doesn't see me and call police.

No, no, no! It's not "wadded up paper", it's an Origami Boulder and he only wants $10 each for them...

Groupie Central . . . Hey, I'm with the band.

Radio-Controlled Plane Hits, Kills Man . . . DOH!!!

'Thunderbirds' are GO on TechTV . . .

• Thunderbirds Are Go!
  
• Thunderbirds Cast of Characters
  
• Thunderbirds on BBC
  
• ThunderbirdsOnLine.com

DelayedMail.com . . . Better late than never.

Bald chicken 'needs no plucking' . . . Finger lickin' good???

Still using the AltaVista Babel Fish Translator?, well now you can translate languages directly in you web browser (IE only) with LangToLang.com plug-ins

It's a train, it's a bus, no it's the ...

Are you a gamer? If so, you might like this list of Role Playing Cliches.

This one's for Brian (and my no internet having brother) who wouldn't be caught dead without their trusty Zippo on their person. What more can I say that the URL doesn't cover for Zippotricks.com?

Neat! I've taken quite a few chemistry courses but I've never seen an actual periodic table!

Why is Batman smiling in this new DC comic. Is it fun or is it S&M. Check out the poem about the master servant relationship. Kinky.

Can't tell a whack from a slash? Do you type bangs when you should be typing pipes and circumflexes when asked for octothorpes? Well, this handy guide will help you figure out some of the common (and not so common) names for all those "special" keys on your computer. Being a Mac user I have a weird character on my keyboard that most others don't sometimes referred to as "flower", "pretzel", "clover", "propeller", "beanie" (an apparent reference to the major feature of a propeller beanie), "splat", "open-apple" or (officially, in Mac documentation) the "command key." Of course, it's actually patterned after a Swedish rune called "sevärdhet" (meaning "thing worth seeing").

All Hail Forrest J. Ackerman, the 1st Lesbian President!

I ran across some good instructions on How to Roll Your Own today. No, not rolling one of these or even, well, like actually "rolling YOUR own!" Frankly, it strikes me as something which is much better off being mass produced because I'm sure the factory ones make MUCH better Christmas ornaments - but in either case, homemade or factory, you really need someplace to keep them. Then again, in my opinion, someone should "roll" this freak just for his self-appointed nickname!

My favorite news item of the day has to be one from Arabia.com entitled "Venezuelan president says he has proof of US contact with coup plotters" which clearly shows the sort of BS we're up against with foreign news agencies. Well, it is a damning accusation, wouldn't you say? Of course, then there is this little bit of information buried deep within the article...

Chavez did not identify the officers, but said he knew who they were and whom they spoke with, while admitting it was unclear whether they aided the coup or opposed it.

Gee, the headline really didn't attempt to skew the readers perception at all, now did it? Assholes...

The Speechify Challenge - Speechworks.com has created a better Text-to-Speech engine that sounds more human and less robotic, can you tell the difference?

CHOMP!!! - A Busch Gardens Tampa zookeeper had her lower arm torn off by a lion.

DIONNE WARWICK BUSTED at Miami International Airport after baggage handlers found 11 marijuana cigarettes in her luggage . . . Didn't her psychic friends see this coming? . . . I heard that they bailed her out of jail because that's what friends are for. . . . (let the bad jokes continue).

Hey man, where is the exit to Freeway 5 North? - Just ask artist Richard Ankrom - The Los Angeles artist designed, built and installed an overhead freeway sign (to exact state specifications) to help guide confused motorists to the northbound Golden State Freeway.

AMEN!!!

Bad Japanese Inventions

See comic books do make you smarter. I have been giving my second grade class comics as rewards all year. This teacher uses comics to teach Physics.

Fu-Manchu

The Royal Highn-ASS - A streaker caused a security alert when he ran in front of the Queen's Rolls Royce during the second leg the Queen's nationwide (UK) Golden Jubilee tour.

InmateCentral.com - Connecting Family & Friends with Inmates All Over the World . . . Perhaps you are looking for a pen pal?

• Cyberspace-Inmates.com
  
• Other Inmate Pen Pal Sites
  

Being Prince of England means never having to say you're sorry. Er, well, except when you make jokes to people with guide dogs about how they now have "eating dogs for the anorexic"! Nice work Philip, I bet Grandma is smiling down upon you and wishing you the best of luck in the Upper Class Twit of the Year competition!

It made me proud to have been born in Rochester, NY when I found a truly obnoxious little Flash game hosted on the RIT servers! Yes, now you too can experience the fun and excitement of virtual Midget Tossing! Truly tasteless... ...and, of course, once this little gem gets spreading around the Net the creator will probably have to finish his college career through some outfit like College-in-a-Can! The courses sound like fun though: Julius Caesar -- Men in Sheets, Quantum Physics -- Where Laws are Strict, but Reality is Just an Opinion, Othello -- Still Can't Believe He Did It, Relativity -- Speed Limits in Bent Space, Henry V -- Shakespeare's Two-Fer, The Ocean -- Mankind's Womb, or Just a Place to Keep the Fish? Sounds like my kind of learnin'!

MOO!

Team Earnhardt Pays Tribute to 'Left Eye' by painting a black stripe under the left headlight of cars driven by Dale Earnhardt Jr., Steve Park and Michael Waltrip.

Star Wars Fever - As many as 2.6 million workers may call in sick on opening day of the lastest "Star Wars" movie, resulting in roughly $319 million in lost wages.

Finger Lickin' Good - Two Vietnamese men, both crematorium workers, were arrested last week for eating fingers and toes of a body they were cremating.

Osama bin Shady - Eminem is dressing up as Osama bin Laden in his new video.

I was looking out the window of my apartment last night and floating in the sky above New York City was the Rolling Stones Blimp with the giant lips logo on the side . . . Turns out that Rolling Stones are going to announce new tour today

FACT: Canadians lead the world in per capita binge drinking. The average Canadian drinks an average of 16 beers on an average day. Seven of them are normally consumed while on the job. (Source: Wild World Of Booze Facts)

If you want to know why I love Canada so much, head on over to The Truth About Canada website where they have compiled much miscellaneous datum about our friends to the north. There are even facts about Canadian wildlife, one of which led me to thinking that maybe these "facts" were a bit fabricated...

It's easy to tell Canadian geese apart from other geese. Canadian geese are often seen smoking Marlboros dipped in embalming fluid.

Save Internet Radio.com -- Encourage the U.S. Copyright Office to reject the CARP recommendations regarding royalty payments. This decision may shut down internet radio altogether - Radio Mookie may or may not be back depending on the decision on May 21.

Rev. Greg adds: There is an online form you can fill out over at Broadcastpromotions.net that they will automagically fax to your respective congresspersons concerning this evil act!

Left-eye Lopes?


(thanks Lainey)

Crustless Bread? - Hey moms, no more cutting the crusts off your kids PB&J sandwiches.

When I was Cruel - The new Elvis Costello album is great. Sounds just like his old stuff. Check it out.

Is this an ad for Undercover Brother or Denise Richard's ass? (Hey, the billboard definitely got my attention on the subway the other day).

TeleZapper - Put an end to those annoying telemarketing calls.

Ozzy at the annual White House Correspondents dinner - Comedian Drew Carey found similarities between the rocker and the president. "They both partied a little too hard when they were younger, half the time you can't understand a word either one of them are saying."

WHY SLEEP ALONE? - The Everyman's Self-Help Guide To Getting 'ALL OF THE WOMEN HE'S EVER WANTED'

Another afternoon wasted poking around the referral logs...but it can be so enlightening! We are the 10^th most popular site for "stuffed animal porn" (anything in the top ten with the word "porn" involved is fantastic), we're 4^th for the "electric bra", 2^nd for "Winders for Hillbillies" and the #1 match on Google for "all jihad sites"!!! A jihad on jihad sites!! Bwa-ha-ha!

I tossed together a reasonable fascimile of myself as a Lego person using the Mini-Mizer. Try to find the special "adult" section - it's hidden but not impossible to find... ...I look like I'm ready for the 200,000th visitor party!

What we all really need is a tool which mechanically seals the bung with a ring - which greatly reduces human error during the bunging operation or even a Bung Dropper with which a single operator can bung up to 1200 per hour. Heck, I'd even settle for a Lung Gun! Commercial meat processing tools are so cool...

For the best in hot redneck doll bondage action visit Mistress Tammy's Double-Wide Dungeon! And while you're there alert them to the appearance of a misplaced drum of pig semen. Well, it might be goat semen - the police aren't really sure just yet...

Calling all psychics. Your powers could earn you one million dollars. Take the challenge offered.

Spider Man is here. Next comes the HULK.

What is a birthday party without Magneto? Now you can hire your very own Marvel Superhero to come to your birthday party. Man I have a party Electra is invited to.

I can spank the monkey at over a hundred miles an hour. Can you?

Over the past year, I've received a lot of requests to post some of my old work when I was a contributing editor at the National Lampoon -- in particular, the Evil Clown Comics. At long last, we're ready to roll out these lost, dark little classics. A word to the wise: they are dated (originally written in the 80's and early 90's), they are filthy, and, well... evil -- born of a time when a young dreamer name o' Bakay was ever so slightly embittered and pissed off at the world. Ah, youth... Enjoy! Back when I was in college, Nick Bakay used to do a bit for National Lampoon magazine called Evil Clown comics - which was one of the foulest things I'd ever read. Needless to say I loved it dearly! Well, the mother unit has long since tossed my stacks of old NatLamp rags onto the rubbish heap of history, so thank the Lord for the Internet where I can get every issue of Evil Clown to enjoy at my leisure. Life is good.

Britney Sssssmokin' - First the breakup with Justin and now this . . . The photo she doesn't want her teenybopper fans to see. Miss clean-cut, virginal, teen idol, caught on camera smoking a cigarette. That does it, I'm cancelling my fan club membership...that bitch!!! (Rev Brian adds other photo's exist.)

Are you a busy executive with no time to take theatre and other cultural events? Do you find movies to be waste of time because they haven't reduced the subject to it's basic talking points and they never seem to provide a clear analytical overview of what they've covered at the end. Well then Hamlet: An Executive Summary may be just what you've been looking for. To hell with high definition television and stodgy old auditoriums...this is Hamlet presented the way Shakespeare always intended it: in PowerPoint!

It's the hot new card game of dot-com failure, by Cool Studio!

Based on the creator's experience during the rise and fall of the dot-com world, this is a game like none other. With a simple, fun, and uncannily realistic game system, you and your friends will struggle to keep a dot-com startup afloat as the bad business pours in and the money runs out.

Be the last one in business, and you'll win the dubious honor of "Best dot-com CEO"!

So go out and grab a copy of BURN RATE™ and relive the glory days of the dot com balloon economy! Frankly, I think I’ll wait for the roleplay version...

They really ought to give "Austrailian Rules Football" a new name. With all the scrotum biting and finger buggering going on I think that maybe "San Francisco Rules Football" would be more apropriate.

Link via BoingBoing