I was poking around over at iFilm and found that they have an "uncensored" version of the Miller Catfight Commercial. There's nothing especially different from the versions I've seen to date except that violence is a bit more overt and there is a slight bit of extra footage at the end where they don't just look and each other - they begin making out. Nothing really overt though and it cuts rather quick at that point...not really a huge difference but if you're a real "fan" of the original, it may be worth your time.

The BEST thing I located though was the Underage Bischon song and video from T.V. Funhouse...I nearly wet myself every time I see that thing and I really don't know why.

Since every post I made yesterday broached upon the pornographic, why not go all the way today and send you off to play some Strip Tetris? If I need to tell you that this is not safe for work, you need to brush up on your reading and comprehension skills...

Porn stars going it "straight" (ahem) is all over the news today, sort of. It seems that although Sarah Kozer wrote on her resume for the show "Joe Millionaire" that her occupation was in "sales and design", it seems that she has a lucrative sideline starring in bondage and foot fetish videos (no nudity.)

Ironically, one film features Kozer and a male partner as contestants on a reality television show offering a $1 million grand prize. The film, which opens with a crawl reading, "Reality Television Has Hit A New Low!," centers on a race between Kozer and her opponent--both of whom are bound and gagged--to be the first contestant to free themselves.

Having watched the show and witnessed her "personality", I'd say getting involved her in any manner beyond passing her by on a sidewalk would feel something like being bound and gagged while struggling to free oneself...

It seems that gay porn legend Jeff Stryker is trying to make a "come back" (I apologize for that) in another entertainment field: country music! Apparently he is working on an album and there are even some clips of songs he's recorded available here. You really owe it to yourself to listen to at least the song Pop You in the Pooper"... Your buddies say you're straight and that's great, But you oughta try something new. 'Cause you got a spot in a place that's hot, And it likes to be tickled too. I've got a wad to drop on your loading dock, Delivery is on the rear. So buddy let's play while the wife's away, Let me get you another beer. Wouldn't that delivery be in the UNloading dock? You really have to hear it to get the full effect though, he really doesn't have that bad of a voice - although my judgement on country music probably doesn't fit with that of anybody who actually likes the stuff!

From the "what the fuck were they thinking" department today...

Campbell officials this week quickly put an end to a longtime ritual among city-sponsored swim teams. Teenage boys and girls will no longer hold coed "shave-downs" at the Campbell Community Center.

What I love is the huge shock value the first sentences of this article have before they get around to really describing the situation...

"All the swimmers had swimsuits or shorts and T-shirts on," Cauthorn said. "It was unfortunate that the team was supposed to be in the locker room for 30 minutes, but it went into 35 minutes. That's when the younger children came in. It wouldn't have been an issue except that the younger ones walked in."

Certainly not the spectacle that popped into my mind after the first few sentences!

Further proof that the Pirillos are the Blog King and Queen of Madness... Rent Chris' Chest.

(And, no, I'm pretty sure you can't rent Gretchen's)

Well, I just found the most imperfect Valentine's Day gift ever: a Blow Bib.

It is machine washable and the convenient size makes it ideal to come virtually anywhere you do!

They are made in a variety of colors, so be sure to make sure you buy one that accessorizes well with his/her (wouldn't want to be politically incorrect here) wardrobe: whether it be Gag Green, Blew, or Cream they've got the color for you.

Armored Warrior is nice little historical click-through adventure where you play a tank commander on a mission to lead a squad of Canadian tanks on a mission to take the town of Vimoutiers to prevent the breakout of a trapped German divison. After you complete the mission don't forget to click around and check out some of the historical information on the rest of the website...good stuff.

That cartoon is totally appropriate for children. I saw Bugs Bunny do worse stuff as a kid, firearms, inebriation, impersonating females, you name it.

thanks for the post!

-Peter

-----------------------------------------------
Peter Kay
Sports Illustrated For Kids

Peter Kay is the Assistant Managing Editor over at SIKids and I do agree with Peter even though the Bugs Bunny cartoons were originally created for adults. Peter was responding to my post the other day concerning the Randy Moss Driving School animation. I didn't mean it to sound like Peter and the gang over there should stop what they're doing, the website is cool as heck even for us adults...and there are a few other animations there that might give you good chuckle. I think my comment was more of a reflection of our society than of SIKids and maybe somewhat of an indictment of the behavior of some athletes who are role models for our children...with Randy Moss being high up on my list seeing as how I am a Minnesota fan! Keep up the good work Peter and thanks for the e-mail.

From the same people who brought you Scooter Death so long ago come the second most annoying game I played this week, UN Weapons Inspector! The rules are a bit nebulous and I keep getting a bullet through my manly baby-blue helmet!

Arrgggh!! The most frustrating game I've played all damned week just HAS to be this puzzle game!!! Forget about the playing the level they label as "impossible", it kicks my ass way below that threshold!

Another good internet "simulator" is located over at the aptly titled waitallday.com. If you keep an eye on your browser's status bar, assuming it has one and you know what it is and have it enabled, is pretty funny since it keeps bringing up messages like it's loading different items. They start out looking like legitimate messages and eventually get quitw twisted...amusing in a pretty geeky way I guess.

"Not only do they question your drive on the field, they even question your driving off the field." Check out this absolutely hilarious animation for "The Randy Moss Driving School for Professional Atheletes"!! It's not a huge download at about a minute or so over a dialup line and it is WELL worth the wait. My only question concerning this is that it is on the Sports Illustrated for Kids website and I really don't think that this is anything but adult humor - check it and see if you agree.

If we ever decide to shift our focus to trying to redeem the souls of inflatable love dolls one of these swell inflatable churches would be just the ticket!

Try out this really nifty Nuclear Power Plant Simulator - it really is a bitch to run but after a few meltdowns you should get the hang of it. I'm to the point where it merely says that I could do better and that the plant only sustained light damage during my operating period (I averaged 1473kW of power output.)

I wonder how long it will be until the Tourette's Syndrome Barbie page gets a "cease and desist" letter? Of course, they can probably scream "parody" and get away with it...but why, oh why, is there no way to shut down this men's lingerie site?!! There's no nudity there but it really isn't safe anywhere unless the idea of a man in a black PVC french maid or schoolgirl outfit appeals to you...

We try to be reasonably open minded here at 3bruces but some things just boggle even our minds. I think I speak for most of us here when I say that this auction ad (mirror) offering to modify your favorite stuffed plush toy to accomidate you in more than just plain cuddling with it is just a bit beyond our ability to comprehend...

...but if you do want to have this proceedure done, maybe you'd best order it under your Dutch Porn Star Name...this has been Arnoldus Van den Bonck reporting for 3bruces.com!

There are tons of great little games and things over at Miniclip but I've blown most of my night playing Mars Patrol...and I need to be at work early tomorrow. Yawn!

I think all the young kids who clerk in our local businesses should be made to score a minimum proficiency level on a game like Biz Wiz so that getting change at the register would be a bit less of an ordeal than it seems to be some days... I was surprised at how rusty my skills seemed to be at first due to not having worked a job where I have to count money on a regular basis for many years. I been made an offer to work at a local fair for a woman I used to work for every year. I can make very good money doing this and I may just take a week off work to do so (which means I be getting paid my normal week's wages on top of what I make there, woohoo!) I'll have to take a run at this game the week before to brush up on my mad money-changing skillz!

It seems that investigators in Europe have nabbed a bunch of bootleggers and recovered over 500 original Beatles studio recordings stolen in the early 1970's. As one of the officials involved stated:

"This is a good example of how an international multiagency approach by both the private sector and police agencies can combat offenses of this nature," Detective Inspector Paul Johnston said in London.

I always knew the Europeans were a bit more layed back but this quote is just so indicative of their governmental officials general detachment from reality. I mean, congradulating yourself for assembling a crack international team of investigators is a bit much when it takes you thirty years to actually solve the crime! It's not like these people haven't sold thousands of copies of this material over the years already. Those Europeans just have such a relaxed work ethic. It probably took them six months to solve the crime and the rest of the time was likely spent determining the composition of the investigating crew so as not offend anyone. Well, you wouldn't want to search for stolen Beatles tapes without having at least one member of the Latvian Gay and Lesbain Rolling Stones fan club along to make sure that their interests in this case were met also!

Too late to get this for Rev. B's son for X-mas, he could have a blast with this! "Level 4 Breach! Level 4 Breach! The monkey's are free! The monkeys are free!" Recreate the horrors of an Ebola outbreak with Reemco's CDC Ebola Virus Outbreak Action Playset!

So, you think Ted Rall is a no-talent crackpot? Well, why not try your hand at making a comic strip online.

Cyberbegging is busting out all over with the latest stunt to tickle Howard Stern's... fancy: Giveboobs.com. (What's next? givebruce3boobs.com?)

Parents and officials were outraged to learn that two Silver Lake students had sex on a school bus while three other students cheered them on...all five will face criminal charges, possibly as early as next week, police said...Kemmett said students on buses should be chaperoned, possibly by volunteer parents.

I think they may be looking at this the wrong way since the possibility of getting a "hummer" on the way to school could lead to a very positive change in truancy rates...

...I guess what could be done is to force all underage girls to wear lipstick laced with Sex Detect - if they show up at school or home with purple lips, BUSTED!

Cameltoe: The Movie. I really don't know what to say about this piece at all...it's probably not very work safe and if you don't know what a "cameltoe" is, you're most likely better off not knowing. If you do know, there's always Rate My Cameltoe also (why wouldn't there be?!) Not my thing at all but links is links!

"Look But Don't Touch" is nice little game where you use your mouse pointer to "stare at girls" to increase your perversion level...but don't let your fiance catch you or she'll slap that smile right off your face.

The Illustrated Book of Sexual Records is an amusing little timewaster but I had hoped it wasn't quite as dry as it is. They need somebody with a sense of humor to rewrite their ENTIRE website to make it a bit less boring. They really need to get on the stick and update the bit about having the most sexual partners in one continuous session...the previous record known as the Houston 620 has been eclipsed by a Polish porn star (I am not making that up) who did 646 men in a row in just under six hours. Six hours sounds like a good amount of time to spend on ONE partner to me but, hey, to each his or her own.

There really isn't much at all one can say about the Redneck Vampire website. Actually, it's just a gimmick for a band but they take it pretty far, including a pictoral "vampire history timeline" that includes the invention of canned Spam and rise in popularity of Budweiser! Take a listen to their "big hit" called "Suck My Dong" if you dare...

Jump is one of many cool little online games over at the Sega Vault.

How about a few good Jewish light bulb jokes from Kesher Talk. What's not to like?

Brian adds : What about the Kosher Search Engine?

First, there was e-mail. Now, there's pee-Mail.

Try not to think of what kind of viruses you might get from a pee-Mail.

Flipping through the channels on our cable system, I often ask myself "Why isn't there a Patrick Stewart Network?"

How about some good, clean old-fashioned Fun?

It's good to know that in this era of false patriotism and empty symbolism, there's a group of sticker manufacturers unabashedly calling themselves Unamerican.

My wife has a "F*** DECAF" coffee mug. Your wife needs one, too.