With articles such as "US Vows To Defeat Whoever It Is We're At War With" and "God Angrily Clarifies 'Don't Kill' Rule" and the inforgraphic "Making America Safer" - the The Onion once again demonstrates why it is one of the best damn sites on the web!! And by interrupting their usual torrent of satire with amazingly to the point and lucid "Talking To Your Child About The WTC Attack" which I would heartily recommend to anyone who needs to explain this situation to a child (or most adults) they have exceeded my wildest expectations of their work and show why they are the only Webby winning site I even bother to visit.

John Lennon Artificial Intelligence Project (JLAIP™) is recreating the personality of the late Beatle, John Lennon, by programming an Artificial Intelligence (AI) engine with Lennon's own words and thoughts.

I personally feel their "Saucy Jack" chat is much cooler...

Since the name for our developing plans was seen as "offensive", somebody came up with a list of five alternatives to "Operation Infinite Justice:

1. Operation Nonlinear Feedback


2. Operation Hyperbolic Reformation


3. Operation Albigensian Catharsis


4. Operation I'm Rubber, You're Glue


5. Operation Russian Firedrill

...and then there's my list:

1. Operation Infinite Mid-East Parking


2. Operation Ban-a-Towel (just slap me for that)


3. Operation Fundamental Cleansing


4. Operation You Think You're Offended?


5. Operation Bite US!

"I want to thank you brave folks for coming out today," the pilot began. "We don't have any new instructions from the federal government, so from now on, we're on our own."

The passengers listened in total silence.

"Sometimes a potential hijacker will announce that he has a bomb. There are no bombs on this aircraft and if someone were to get up and make that claim, don't believe him. If someone were to stand up, brandish something such as a plastic knife and say, 'This is a hijacking' or words to that effect, here is what you should do:

"Every one of you should stand up and immediately throw things at that person — pillows, books, magazines, eyeglasses, shoes — anything that will throw him off balance and distract his attention. If he has a confederate or two, do the same with them. Most important: get a blanket over him, then wrestle him to the floor and keep him there. We'll land the plane at the nearest airport and the authorities will take it from there.

"Remember, there will be one of him and maybe a few confederates, but there are 200 of you. Now, since we're a family for the next few hours, I'll ask you to turn to the person next to you, introduce yourself, tell them a little about yourself and ask them to do the same."

The end of this remarkable speech...brought sustained clapping from the passengers.

Hell yeah! This is the kind of guy I want flying my airplane!

Ever wanted to spy on a bunch of Belgian rabbits going about their everyday lives? Well, now you can!

The hightened security along the US borders is affecting international trade also, just ask any of the "Hemp Exporters" in British Columbia.

To add an even grimmer note to the tragedies of last week one of the individuals killed in the Pentagon crash was Master Sergeant Max Beilke (Retired) who was the last American combat soldier to evacuate from Saigon at the end of the Vietnam War. Somehow that really pisses me off - and I thought I'd already reached my limit!

So You Want To Learn Japanese
Not anymore!

Last night, the Rangers and the Devils were the first professional sports teams to play in New York since 9/11 and tonight the Rangers-Flyers game stopped for Bush's speech and then they cancelled the rest of the game and teams skated to center ice and shook hands. Today I'm proud to be an American and proud to be a hockey fan!!

Need a good laugh? Check out this animated bit of sillyness that has recently been updated - "The King of Town (Special Edition DVD)." Watch the Olde Version, the New Version and last but not least the Commented Version (pretty dern funny once you've seen one of the others.)

Way to go homeboy! Our governor Tom Ridge has been chosen by W to fill a new cabinet position called the "Office of Homeland Security." Interestingly, this is not a new initiative but something that has been in the planning stages for some time.

Do you have what it takes to be a Federal Air Marshall? They're hiring as of yesterday.

Artist's Conception

Prototype

Man is the only animal that deals in that atrocity of atrocities, War. He is the only one that gathers his brethren about him and goes forth in cold blood and calm pulse to exterminate his kind. He is the only animal that for sordid wages will march out...and help to slaughter strangers of his own species who have done him no harm and with whom he has no quarrel. ..And in the intervals between campaigns he washes the blood off his hands and works for "the universal brotherhood of man"--with his mouth. - What Is Man? Tons more quotes on a variety of subjects available at www.twainquotes.com plus newspaper articles and other Mark Twain miscellania.

I remember one evening I suggested we go to a new sushi place I'd heard about. He smiled at me, a smile full of patience, suffering, and disappointment - he'd been porketarian for years already and was used to this sort of thing. "Can I eat there?" he asked. "Well, sure -" I said, "Ohhhh." "Do they have anything with pork?" he asked. "Darn! Darn, darn, darn!" I said, embarrassed by my insensitivity. I hadn't yet learned to think like a porketarian.

I wouldn't be surprised by complaints from Reverend Brian's girlfriend that were direct quotes from "He's a Porketarian and I Love Him."

Not only has the Taliban refused to release bin Laden and massed troops on the Pakistan border, the BBC is now claiming that they have broadcast a statement declaring a formal jihad against the US.

Update at 4:05 AM: the Taliban formally denies that it is resuming it's jihad. They have however warned their people to prepare for a jihad against US invaders and issued some pretty strident demands which almost make it seem like they're willing to sell bin Laden to us. Heck, why not just collect the $1 billion dollar fund which has been proposed, the $10 million reward offered by a German businessman and the $5 million reward offered by the FBI?

"The date of the attack: 9/11 - 9 + 1 + 1 = 11 September 11th is the 254th day of the year: 2 + 5 + 4 = 11. After September 11th there are 111 days left to the end of the year. 119 is the area code to Iraq/Iran. 1 + 1 + 9 = 11. Twin Towers -- standing side by side, looks like the number 11 The first plane to hit the towers was Flight 11. But ... .There's More ... ... . State of New York -- The 11 State added to the Union. New York City -- 11 Letters. Afghanistan -- 11 Letters. The Pentagon -- 11 Letters. Ramzi Yousef -- 11 Letters (convicted of orchestrating the attack on the WTC in 1993). Flight 11 -- 92 on board -- 9 + 2 = 11 Flight 77 -- 65 on board - 6 + 5 = 11."

It looks like the numerologists and other wackos have been hard at work!

Brush up on your Spanish for this fantastic overview of Tuesday's events.

When a game has a name like "Korean Ass Shooter", you just know it has to be good!!!

Quoting "fundamentalist Arab sources", Ilaf said the "Taliban have arrested Osama bin Laden before placing him under surveillance with several of his assistants," including the head of the Egyptian branch of Al-Jihad Ayman Al-Zawahri and bin Laden's military commander, Muhammad Atef Al-Makni.

This news from Yahoo! Austrialia hasn't been really confirmed yet but it sure is an interesting turn of events. I just wonder if they arrested him for trial purposes or the "arrested" him for protective purposes - mainly to assuage US anger and attempt to ride it out. My anger over bin Laden's past actions still isn't gone, let alone if he had anything to do with the 9-11 attacks.

---

Criminy! We've been one serious bunch around here lately! Hopefully tomorrow or so we'll get back to the usual goofy links. I for one could use a good, long, hard laugh right now - and I'm damn sure I've got tons of company...

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The FBI has obtained search warrants for homes and post office boxes in Florida in connection with Wednesday's terror attacks, a law enforcement source told CNN. (Link)

A quick search over at eBay turns up just how many assholes there are in this country - dozens of auctions trying to sell World Trade Center memoribilia (most of which still list but have been cancelled by eBay.) My favorite was one auction where the high bidder at $15,000 for a poster was going by the name of "seller_of_this_item_is_a_sick_ba$tard_just_trying_to_make_money"!!

Update: literally as I was posting this entry, eBay discontinued EVERY auction for World Trade Center items!

Sorry for not commenting on some of my posts but I felt they spoke for themselves and I have so little left to say!

I do, however, hate to see political wrangling start - and yet it seems to be. The Washington Post has a "day after" article which seems to brand Republican officials as being the only persons who were supporting military action against the perpetrators of yesterday's tragedies - which anyone who paid any attention knows is a load of crap (the link to get to this article was "Republicans: Attacks Acts of War.")

Interestingly, a poll conducted in part by the Post had this to say:

Nine in 10 – 94 percent – supported taking military action against the groups or nations responsible for the attacks. More than eight in 10 favored military strikes even if they led to war.

So, more than 8 in 10 people are now Republicans? Somehow how I doubt that...

Police may have narrowly averted another catastrophe, arresting three men who allegedly were driving a van full of explosives destined for the George Washington Bridge in upper Manhattan-Bronx area of New York, a television station reported Tuesday night. (Link)

Authorities in Massachusetts have identified five Arab men as suspects in Tuesday's attack on New York City and have seized a rental car containing Arabic-language flight training manuals at Logan International Airport, a source told the Boston Herald newspaper.

Two of the men were brothers whose passports were traced to the United Arab Emirates, the unidentified source told the Herald. One of the men was a trained pilot, the paper reported on its Web site on Wednesday.

The paper said investigators suspect the two brothers were aboard hijacked United Airlines flight 175, which pilot union officials said was one of the aircraft that crashed into the World Trade Center. (Link)

Chemical companies along the Houston Ship Channel immediately increased their security measures in response to the attacks.

"We've heightened security at all of our facilities, our plants are on alert," said Phil Anastasio, spokesman for Occidental Chemical Corp. The company has six facilities in Deer Park, La Porte and Pasadena.

Chemical company Rohm & Haas put the company's two facilities in Deer Park and Bayport under increased security.

Well, that's two of our major suppliers here at work!

Elsewhere, rampant opportunism is high...

In Missouri: On St. Louis' north side, prices at a Phillips 66 station along Interstate 70 were $2.99 a gallon for regular unleaded gasoline, $4.99 for premium unleaded.

In Michigan: As many as 25 cars were lined up at each of three gas stations in the Lansing area. Little said a friend in Kalamazoo was charging $4 a gallon.

The pictures just keep getting more astounding...

Here is Salon's take on the reaction of the internet community to today's tragedies and a rather good article on why the towers collapsed the way they did.

Today, Sept. 11, in History
1941 - Ground was broken on construction of the Pentagon building in Washington, DC.

Woohoo! Explosions have been reported in Kabul, Afghanistan. The U.S. has denied any connection to these bombings - it is thought they are the work of the Northern Alliance responding to the attack which killed (Ahmad Shah) Masood the Afghan opposition chief who led the fight against the ruling Taliban.

Almost more frightening than everything else I've seen today, the guys from Bon Jovi selling baby clothes...

Hmmm, now the Jerusalem Post claims that Osama bin-Laden "is responsible for today's terrorist attacks in the United States, according to a senior US official and former prime minister Ehud Barak." This is exactly the sort of unsupported accusations we don't need right now...

I just watched video of World Trade Center Building #7 which collapse earlier this afternoon. I have accomplished a sum total of nothing here at work today and it doesn't seem to be getting any better!

Some Palestinians are actually celebrating the attacks on the US.

"We are so happy that America was hit. America is against us in supporting Israel," Suleiman, one of the demonstrators, said.

Yes. We support Israel because of terror attacks, albiet of a smaller magnitude than today's, and this certainly isn't going to alter our resolve and encourage us to support anyone who condones this type of action.

A television station in Abu Dhabi has reported that Democratic Front for the Liberation of Palestine is responsible but they have denied responsibility and experts feel that an attack such as this is clearly beyond their capabilities.

Thy chance to be a vengeful Lord is nigh: but only if thou havest the Flash plug-in installed in thy altar. Strike down unbelievers who wouldst dismantle thy temple and bless thy followers to rebuild it. All whilst crying: Smite Thee!!

This has to be the end-all-and-be-all of fart sites: http://www.ifarted.com/

The song in this Flash video is work safe but the inexplicable animation of a man shagging a donkey may not be. I guess it depends on your line of work...

One of cooler drawing tools I've found in some time, "Escher Sketch" allows you to draw pictures with repeating symmetries which you select. Take some time to play around with it and I'm sure you'll end up downloading it too!

Find out what the president is really up to at http://www.whitehouse.org/ (not to be confused with http://www.whitehouse.gov/) Warning: extreme satire and partisan views - well, on both sites really.

Cyborg Heifers From Outer Space

Weehaaaa! Another really annoying, highly addictive, time-wasting game!! Terribly simple - just click on the bouncing ball to keep it from touching the floor. How many times can you keep it up?!

As much as we tend to rag sometimes over on our serious blog about foreigners, we love you guys! We really do! We love Canada and I loved travelling in Europe some years ago! We'd love for you to love our country too! Please, before coming here, familiarize yourself with our country and our customs. This handy, dandy Foreigner's Guide to America ought to be just the thing...

Why is it that AFTER I blog something I find all kinds of cool stuff that I could have posted with it?! Well, I blogged the http://www.tourettes.co.uk/ site a bit ago but now I've found the Tourettes Syndrome Barbie (from the makers of Leprosy Barbie) and the musical instrument that may finally unseat the guitar in rock music: the Tourettaphone (no relation to this really annoying organ simulation.)

Cliff Yablonski hates you so much, he now has his own online game to help waste your precious time and lose you your job, which you probably suck at anyway.

I had heard rumors earlier in the evening and his personal website was not responding but it is official: Hank the Angry Drunken Dwarf is dead.

Here's one for Reverend Brian - his all-time favorite sport in a Flash game: it's Ultimate Dodgeball!!!

One of the absolutely coolest things I've seen in a while!! I'd imagine we all would like to simulate views within our solar system - like this view of Mars (as seen from Earth, on the day I was born, at the time of my birth and with planetary orbits and constellation lines displayed! Way too cool! Thanks Elise!

Great little Flash game which challenges you to deliver beer to desert islands by dropping it from a bomber! Solbomber even gives you a chance to win cases of Sol Lager - unfortunately for us that only applies to UK residents!

In dire need of a good quick blaspheme this morning? Here's a rather largish (700k+) Flash that should do the trick...

Hmmm, maybe wine-making *IS* rocket science after all!!

Is your dog lonely? Well then, the professionals at Sweeties Doggy Dating Service may be just the people you need to contact! Frankly though, after going through the testimonials I think that the owners could use a little professional help - if you know what I mean...

Odd little looping Flash cartoon, pretty cool for such a short download.

The Biblical Archaeology Society presents for your approval: ancient Egyptian pornography.

Hoorah! I finally found a search engine to compliment Google's lack of ability to search recent news articles accurately, the ONLY true weakness I've really found with their service. Enter Daypop which seems to handle the problem admirably.

Microsoft said it would pull advertisements for alcohol-related gifts from its MSN Internet service, following criticism from the American Medical Association.

A book of beer drinking games, a "microbrew kit," and other party products had been promoted as back-to-school care packages for homesick college students on the MSN site.

Those bozos over at Microsoft really know how to make themselves look like schmucks sometimes...

Puzzles for blondes. The less said, the better. (via The Only Gay Eskimo)

"I like this class a lot because you can do it at any age," Thelma said.

Read the quote above again and then click here to read the story it's from - you should understand my point just by reading the title. Californians just creep me out more every day!

If anybody was wondering what to get me for X-mas (or even just 'cause I'm a swell guy) a Baddabing Club bowling shirt would kick ass!

Stick Slayer is a series of reasonably amusing Flash animations involving a "fully drawn" character which is killing all of the animated stick figures on the Internet. This has a rather slim download time to amusement level ratio - you have been warned!

As much as I love absolutely tasteless humor, I found the Dead Hooker Trading Cards site to be just a bit much - which is amazing seeing that there is so little of it...

http://www.tourettes.co.uk/

There's really not much more to say about this URL than it says for itself when you click it...

Read all about a specification for a computer langauge in which the code reads just like a Shakespearian play. Very interesting but not quite practical methinks...