Looks like somebody forgot the rules: First rule of Underage Bikini Applesauce Wrestling Club: You do not talk about Underage Bikini Applesauce Wrestling Club. Second rule of Underage Bikini Applesauce Wrestling Club: You DO NOT talk about Underage Bikini Applesauce Wrestling Club. Fucking incautious amateurs. They deserve to be punished. [ This post mercilessly swiped in it's entirety from 3 nasty assholes ]

Our friend Adrienne, who is having problems with her estranged husband, could probably use the sort of perspective that only listening to the rambling, psychotic phone messages from somebody else's deranged ex can give you! Frankly, I'm surprised this guy made it out alive...

(This guy says it's a hoax. Rev. Brian)

Once again I have to ask: what the HELL is wrong with this country?! Not only are we lowering blood alcohol level in the face of reports that it doesn't work but we also have the lamest newspapers in the world. Take today for instance. Our newspapers are doing the same old written-at-a-fifth-grade-reading-level (if you're lucky) tripe but in the UK it's National Cleavage Day! The event is sponsored by The Sun, a UK tabloid that features a topless photo on Page 3 of every issue. A contest was held to find Britain's "Miss Cleavage", with impressive results (even though I tend to not fancy blondes.) She's lucky that Crystal Storm lives in Canda though, at 57F she would have given her a bit of a run for the money!

But that's not where my rant on this subject ends. I want to know what our country is DOING to increase breast size? The one article above cites that the average breast size in the UK has increased from 34B to 36C in just ten years! Heck, at that rate, in another ten years they'll be AVERAGING 38D!! Sure, we are the greatest military power in the world but what is being done about the cleavage gap? What is causing this change? Well, one young girl believes she knows the answer - and the answer is beer! And what is the British government's attitude towards beer? Well, they just enacted a tax freeze on alcoholic beverages and they also began funding research on the microbes that produce beer in order to produce more consistent batches that store better. Heck, they're keeping it cheap, making it last and it may grow breasts...there's a government that is working towards my best interests!!

Yes, the "All Your Base are Belong to Us" meme is STILL alive and well as evidenced by Rev. B's posting earlier today. I actually found a terribly lucid analysis of the phenomena and I'm not surprised that several mainstream companies would love to license the phrase for commercial usage. That's a retarded idea since the phrase is OBVIOUSLY public domain at this point. If they had bothered to research the history of the AYBABTU meme they wouldn't have even asked. Just use it. It's obvious that the makers of the game all this is based on have not bothered to even protect the original artwork but you CAN"T copyright it and anybody else who wants to can use it. That of course destroys the possibility of attaching brand loyalty to the phrase, making it virtually worthless in the tiny minds of today's advertisers. Years of college and years working in the advertising field and these guys just don't get it!

We here at 3bruces, being savvy to the way these things work, did an end around on the problem! We coined the phrase "All Your Site are Belong to Us" - which attaches the AYBABTU meme to us but is relevant to our product (whatever that is.)

So why isn't Manufacturer X (with a target market within the internet demographic) selling product Y with a gitchy slogan of "All Your (Insert Product Relevant Word Here) are Belong to Us"? So why isn't Diamler/Chrysler targeting it's yuppy vehicles by putting yuppie aliens in them and having them run other cars off the road while screaming "All Your Road are Belong to Us"??? Why isn't Levi Strauss showing jeans being made in some weird underground factory with a typical mad scientist laughing insanely about how "All Your Ass are Belong to Us"? "Got Base?" has already been done. Thank the Lord somebody did "All Your Beer are Belong to Us, Somebody Set Us Up the Keg" before Anheuser-Busch could get it! So why aren't the big ad execs catching on? I guess they've become so structured that they are losing out on the meme while independant nobodys sell AYBABTU License Plate Frames and enough T-shirts that you would never have to wear anything else ever again.

Hmmm, that reminds me. I have to get the artwork for the 3bruces - All Your Site are Belong to Us done so we have T-shirts too...

What a horrible way to die. It's not often that one half of a patient is sent to the hospital by helicopter and the other half by ambulance - while the patient is STILL alive! Sounds to me like they were trying to pad the bill...

I got this in my AOL mailbox today and it has to be one of the better attempts I've seen at stealing AOL passwords that I've seen in quite some time! It said I had a card waiting and I figured it was for my birthday recently past and that it was automatically sent to me from one of the trillion sites I've registered for something at - but it looked kind of fishy...

Go to the page and type in anything you want for a username and password (I used "Notanidiot" and "fuckyou"). If you are an AOL user do NOT enter your actual name and password!!! I shouldn't even have to tell you that! The link is www.hallmark.com.ro

The graphics are superb, most of the links are actually linked to the site it's mimicing but any moron should be able to look at the address and realize that Hallmark (www.hallmark.com) is not based out of Romania!

And for those of you with really kinky appetites, view the Bubblebodywear site while playing with Permanent Bubblewrap! You might want to pick up a few of these before you start - or you could just hire some help for the evil deed!!

We apologize for the lack of posts yesterday but Blogger, blogspot and blogvoices servers were all having serious issues. We are now directly publishing to our server which should help make the site more reliable, we've already noticed that it loads much faster which is always a plus.

Well, it's officially spring at last and it's time for spring cleaning. No not that kind! You know, like mowing the lawn, trimming bushes and just getting the place aired out..

It's just that living in a trailer limits my options even though I own it and the dirt it sits on. Do I want to go with a classic, low-maintenance decor or call the folks at This Ol' Trailer and ask for help?

Ouch! Deep hurting! Please tell me that "The Lone Rocker" really isn't serious when he says that his song "Spirit of the Whole" is, and I quote from his website, "an epic 9 minute musical journey into a New Millenium." I was in serious pain less than two minutes into the song and I don't think his tremendously pretentious lyrics and stilted accompaniment would even benefit from a competent vocalist and talented composers and musicians. That's my humble opinion, your experience may differ...

Thankfully I also found Evolution Controlled Creations website and their hilarious techno song "Rocked by Rape" featuring the lyrical stylings of CBS Evening News' own Dan Rather! Of course, CBS threatened them for "copyright violations"...nothing has really come of it though.

Hopefully somebody WILL sue "The Lone Rocker" for human rights violations and see it through to the end...

Hurrah! Our other blog has been posted as a "Blog of Note" on the Blogger homepage! It really doesn't surprise me since there are so many boring web pages out there! It is amazing how many utterly useless and mindnumbingly stupid pages have been created for apparently no reason.

At times like this I wish I could speak Inuit, for having 47 different words for "this sucks" would be pretty useful right now.

Page after page of garbage - was I ever glad when I came to the end...

When I saw that Rev.B. had posted a blog containing the "Have You Seen This Girl?" link I was heartened that somebody else thought he was bit of a wacko. But to put it into perspective, at least he isn't 26, washing dishes for a living and still has his computer at his parents house. He doesn't wear skirts or dress like Jesus. He isn't offering up to $100,000 as a reward for finding his perfect woman or a raving egomanic (BTW - Your hair is hideous dude!) All in all, he could be worse off than to have fallen in love with a girl who has buck teeth and the eyes of Charles Manson! Oh yeah, and she currently only exists as a composite picture he made on his computer. Creepy!

Take my advice girls, you'd have just as much success at finding a mate here than by contacting any of these guys! Trust me on this one...

...and my advice to the poor woman who matches the picture of his dream girl? Two words. Restraining order!

Not many sites manage to be absolutely hilarious while incorporating nearly flawless design but Cadaver Inc. is incredible!! Whether you need to do some heavy duty "organ harvesting", murder scene cleanup or witness removal, Cadaver Inc. is here to help with your privacy being their number one priority. Don't just take it from me, read the testamonials!

Zombo.com

"The apparent lesbianism in certain insects is probably just a ruse to make sure the females attract the best males." Hmm, it appears that we human males have more in common with weevils than it would appear!

Luckily for us common American males the Imported Long-Horned Weevil seems to prefer young soybean plants or we'd be in a serious crisis...

...in some cases though, we still have a long way to go to attain the raw masculinity of the male weevil.

"We were able conclude that if you ate a foot of this burrito (pictures) a day, you'd be able to survive in a satisfyingly bloated fashion for almost 10 years."

Oh yeah? I am able to conclude that without lab grade refrigeration you'll succumb to food poisoning in less than five...

Ahhh! The genius of Bill Gates strikes again! It seems that he must renovate or add on to his 37,000 square foot home even though it has 6 kitchens, 24 bathrooms, a dining room for 120 and a 60ft. indoor pool. Why? There isn't an extra bedroom for the third child his wife is carrying because only four were specified when he commissioned the building.

Gates..."found errors were made in the way the house was designed, and the way they expected to use the house has changed". I wonder how many years it will be before he realizes that if we replaced the word "house" with the word "operating system" in that statement...aw, heck, it'll never happen...

...it's no wonder the Windows operating system sucks ass...

Disclaimer

Before I give you the link I want to say something about what you are going to view. After looking at much of the site beyond the forthcoming link, I assertained that somewhere, somebody, maybe many somebodys think this is funny. I get the distinct impression they think it's hilarious. They have plans for a movie, they sell T-shirts and do all the other things that one would do to promote their work. Now for the problem:

It's not funny. It's not that I don't "get" the joke, it's just that it is so insipidly juvenial, poorly presented and lacking any sort of real wit that I don't even think small children would be amused - and the idea really doesn't strike me as something that should be targeted at children. Mental patients, federal prisoners and other people locked in confined spaces with nothing better to do would FIND something else to do rather than be subjected to this swill. Normally I would have given links via appropriate phrases in my text but I have already given this site far, far more of my time than it deserved...

Enough bitching. With no futher ado...CUIDADO!!! LLAMAS!!!

Why doesn't Pizza Hut® serve squid, shrimp, tuna, broccoli, onion, mayonnaise and double cheese pizzas here?

If you ever travel to Japan you might need this handy tourist guide, a few travel tips, a language reference, a guide to Japanese pizzas, a list of "service houses" and quick access to dollar-yen exchnage rates!!!

A hilarious article on the darker side of accounting (courtesy of The Onion) which may require the use of The Rap Dictionary.

And since I'm on the topic of language reference materials, if you took a foreign language when you were in school - I'm sure you spent more effort trying to learn how to swear like a sailor than learning how to ask someone where the nearest postoffice is! With 79 languages currently represented, the Alternative Language project is the best reference source I've found for undermining any chance of world peace (except for exceptional efforts like this).

Hey! My beer pager doesn't blink anymore - the light just burns solid with the intensity of a laser beam. That CAN'T be good...

...but, once I get a good roaring drunk on, I can just scoot on over to Science Snacks - there's just HOURS of entertainment brought to you by the jolly folks at the National Science Foundation...

I'm not sure how I've missed this site for so long. Be forewarned!! Don't go to there unless you have Flash 4 installed and a couple of days worth of free time!!

My personal faves are:

• SimShatner - where you can emulate William Shatner's acting by clicking buttons to make him speak.


• Christina Aguilera's XXXmas Album


• Forcefeed Callista Flockhart (Ally McBeal)


• Hawking Dance (similar to Hamster Dance)


• "Famous Last Words" - with Kurt Cobain being the funniest thing I've seen in a long time!

And, of course, another entry from the the meme that would not die!!! Hundreds of pictures, scads of animations and other high weirdness...

You know Rev. B. - now that you mentioned Zoophiles and New Jersey not once but twice and now I've mentioned Zoophilia and New Jersey not once but twice - Three Bruces is going to give UMDT a run for it's money in the New Jersey/Zoophile search engine wars! Ooops! Damn! I did it again!

Hmmm, my one ex-girlfriend was born and raised in Jersey and she was a bit of an animal in bed. Oddly, I checked the laws and zoophilia is illegal in PA but there are no active laws in Jersey prohibiting it. THAT explains a lot...

Type your name in on this site to find out what kind of cheese you most resemble (I'm a Babybel, Rev. B. is a "Stinking Bishop"!) But remember, no matter what kind of cheese you are - All Your Brand Are Belong To Us!!!

My favorite referrer so far this week is from a search for information on flesh eating bacteria! The exact search string was http://www.google.com/search?q=flesh eating bacteria odds. It keyed on a blog of mine comparing the odds of winning the Pennsylvania Lottery with the odds of contracting a flesh eating bacteria (40 to 1 in favor of the infection!) Oddly, the lottery/flesh eating bacteria analogy has been used several times by a few other writers on the web. Even the well known Motley Fool financial advice column used that same comparison.

And with all that competition and others, we placed 9th out of the 926 entries found! We're in the top ten percent! We rock!

I was also stunned to find that Google had even archived our site for that day! What a waste of storage space...it's no wonder dot-com companies are going belly-up at a staggering rate.